My Life : Goodbye Maxie

I know it was the right thing to do, I know that it was best for her but my heart is shattered into a million pieces right now.  I know that as a pet owner this is a moment that we all have gone through or will go through but that doesn’t make it any easier.  I am thankful that there was no dragging out the decision and she wasn’t suffering in great pain.  I couldn’t bear that.

David and I had to have our beloved Maxie put to sleep on Christmas Day.  It was unexpected but I take comfort that her last days were filled with love.  On Christmas Eve she was loved on by my family as we gathered to celebrate.  She rushed to the door barking with her tail wagging as they all arrived and then proceeded to use that persistent nose of hers to make sure she got lots of petting.  When she wasn’t getting petted she parked herself in the middle of the kitchen floor as she always does.  She knew the heart of every party is in the kitchen and she made sure to be right there in the middle of it.  Our kitchen is not very big but we’ve grown accustomed to stepping over her as we go back and forth.  We knew she just wanted to be close to us.  As the evening wound down and we settled into bed she and Sadie got a special treat of getting to sleep with Mommy and Daddy and Will of course in the big bed!  I slept diagonally that night so she could sleep where my feet should have been :).  When we woke up Christmas morning I showed her that Santa left a big rawhide bone in her stocking!  She watched me excitedly as I tore off the bow and plastic and when I handed it to her she literally pranced around the house with her tail held high.  I swear I’ve never seen her prance like that for a bone, she kept bringing it out to show us and then trying to bury it in her dog bed.  Later that day she enjoyed more family time and loving on her just because.  As it got darker out I set her in front of the Christmas tree next to Will, I wanted to get a shot of my three babies.  I knew that Sadie still isn’t too sure of Will so I set it up with just Maxie and him until I got my settings right to bring Sadie in.  I had no idea that would be the last photo of my two babies.  That test shot has now become more precious to me then any other photo I’ve taken.  That photo represents the old and the new, the passing of the torch so to speak.  All the parenting lessons and patience Maxie has taught me over the years to prepare me to be a good mother are right there in that photo for me.  I am so thankful that they met, that she got to love up on him by kissing him whenever she could.  He won’t remember her but I will remember her acceptance of him and her approval :).

An hour later as we were all settling down we noticed she kept trying to throw up but nothing was coming out, we ushered her outside to eat some grass and soothe her stomach.  After doing this twice when she came back in she let out a small cry that grabbed our attention immediately and I noticed her stomach looked bloated.  David went over to check and said it was hard too.  I googled dog stomach bloat to see if we had anything to worry about or what could we do.  Everything I read said get her to the vet immediately that it was a life and death situation.  I called our local vet and was directed to the emergency vet in Fredericksburg, after talking to them they said they would be waiting when we pulled up.  We threw together a quick bag for Will grabbed Maxie and headed for the door, when it was apparent Sadie was not going to let us leave her we took her too.  Thank goodness my sister is close by and met us along the way to take Will.  It was a blur as I sat in the back seat reaching over to pet Maxie and reassure her it would be alright, David drove like a bat out of hell to get her there in time.  In the end we were too late, her stomach had flipped.  It was a possibility I had read about but prayed we had not yet reached.  The only options were surgery or to put her to sleep and we had to make the decision fast.  It is an awful decision to make.  She was my baby, my constant companion and my best friend.  She has been there for me through everything, offering up herself for me to hug and cry on.  She saw boyfriends come and go, she saw one very special one come into the picture and she kindly did not eat his dog when they first met.  Instead Maxie found a new best friend in Sadie and she got a daddy that loved her immensely.  She watched me walk down the aisle to marry him and she and Sadie walked back up the aisle with us as a new family!  When we added Will to the family this year she accepted him too with her doggie kisses.  All of those things went through my mind.  But many other things went through also.  The fact that at almost 11 years old her mental health was greatly diminished.  Her physical health was deteriorating and I was not 100% sure she could survive surgery.  As much as I wanted to do everything possible to save my baby I knew the day I had been dreading had arrived.  What was best for her was to release her from her failing body and mind.  To allow her to pass with dignity.  If not for this emergency situation that forced us to make the decision I don’t know that I could have looked at her and made the decision when the time came.  I would have kept telling myself just one more day.  But that night in that room there was no just one more day.  There was the jingle of her collar as she walked around uncomfortably in the other room, there was me not wanting to make the decision just wanting to be in the other room with her hugging her.  There was me not wanting her to be in pain anymore and for any longer then she needed to be.  In the end it was quick, the decision was made, the best decision for her.  We were able to bring Sadie in to say goodbye and loved on her for the last time.  We stayed till the end, I did not want her to die alone or with strangers.  I wanted her to feel her mommy’s arms around her and hear my voice as she passed over.  She was by my side for just shy of 11 years and I would be by her side till the end.  I know if it was up to her she would have been by my side till my end.

The house feels emptier without her, I feel emptier without her.  I know that eventually the tears will dry up.  I know that yes we will get another dog, Maxie cannot be replaced but she would be sad if Sadie was alone and she would want someone to play with Will.  This is just a part of owning a pet, the suckiest part.  There is a piece of my heart that will forever belong to her.  As I look at the photos of her all over our house I remember the happy times, how much she loved the boat and being with us on it.  I looked at my birthday posts for her on my blog, 9 & 10 and relived her puppy days and our adventures through those photos.  Now I will look at this final photo of her and remember that she taught me to be a mother.  

Melissa Arlena

Melissa Arlena is an award winning lifestyle newborn photographer in Charlottesville and Richmond, Virginia who has earned her Master Photographer Certification from NAPCP in maternity, newborn and family photography. Her natural and simple work has been featured in magazines and online blogs worldwide. She has been named Best Maternity and Newborn Photographer in Richmond and Charlottesville, VA in 2024.

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